Hey friend,
Let’s just say what most married folks don’t always feel free to admit:
“I still love my spouse… but lately, I don’t feel as close as I used to.”
Sound familiar?
You’re not yelling. You’re not fighting (or maybe you are). But deep down, something feels…off. Like you’re living beside each other, not with each other.
Maybe you’re wondering:
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Is this just a dry season?
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Are we becoming roommates instead of soulmates?
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How do I even bring this up without starting another argument?
Let me encourage you today: you’re not crazy. You’re not alone. And most importantly, you’re not stuck.
Let’s talk through this heart-to-heart, with God’s Word to guide us.
1. First, the distance doesn’t mean the love is gone
Emotional distance happens in marriage, not because you’ve failed, but because you're human.
We all get distracted, stressed, or overwhelmed. Sometimes grief, unspoken frustration, parenting demands, or even spiritual fatigue build invisible walls. And then one day, you look up and realize, “Wait… when was the last time we laughed together?”
But here’s hope: Distance can be closed. The connection can be rebuilt.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 reminds us:
“Two are better than one... If either of them falls, one can help the other up.”
But it’s hard to help each other up if we’re drifting in different directions.
2. Don’t start with accusations, start with compassion
Let’s be honest: it’s tempting to lead with frustration.
“You never talk to me anymore.”
“I’m always the one who tries.”
But the blame doesn’t build bridges, it builds walls.
Instead, try something like:
“Hey babe, I’ve been missing us lately. I know we’ve both been stretched, but I want to feel close to you again.”
That tone opens doors. It invites your spouse, instead of putting them on the defense.
Proverbs 15:1 says it best:
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
3. Reconnection happens in little ways, not just big ones
You don’t have to plan a weekend getaway to feel close again (though that can help). What restores closeness? Consistency over intensity.
Here are a few small but powerful reconnection moments:
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Sending a quick “thinking of you” message during the day
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Asking before bed, “What was the best part of your day?”
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Taking a 10-minute walk together phones down
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Holding hands when you pray, yes, even if it feels awkward
Song of Solomon 2:15 talks about “the little foxes that spoil the vineyard.” Sometimes, it’s the little neglects that create emotional gaps. But the opposite is also true: little efforts can rebuild big intimacy.
4. Talk about what’s been left unsaid
Sometimes, the distance isn’t just from busyness. It’s from a wound that hasn’t healed. Maybe a past argument that never truly got resolved. Or a lingering feeling of being misunderstood or unseen.
And if we’re honest? That kind of silence can turn into bitterness over time.
Hebrews 12:15 warns:
“See to it that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.”
Bitterness never stays small. So let’s deal with the root before it becomes a wall.
Find a quiet time. Be honest. Ask, “Can we talk about what’s been weighing on us?” And if that’s too tough to do alone, get help. That’s what counselors are for.
5. Most importantly, invite God into your connection again
Let me ask gently:
When was the last time you and your spouse prayed together?
I’m not asking to make you feel guilty. But I’ve seen over and over how even a simple, awkward, whispered prayer between spouses can begin to heal deep emotional gaps.
Matthew 18:20 says:
“Where two or three gather in My name, there am I with them.”
And that includes your living room. Your kitchen table. Even your bedroom at night when the lights are off and one of you says, “Can we pray, even if it’s short?”
God is not far. He’s right there, ready to help you reconnect.
Listen, friend, love that feels distant doesn’t mean love is gone.
It just means it’s time to be intentional again.
You don’t need to have all the answers. You just need to be willing to take the first small step. And if you need someone to walk with you on the journey, I’m here.
Your marriage was never meant to just survive. It was designed by God to thrive.
With grace and truth,
Oluwatunmise Akanmu
Christian Marriage & Relationship Counselor
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